Communication, and indeed effective communication has remained a major factor in building healthy relationships. It is an inherent human nature to desire being in relationships whether platonic or romantic. As a matter of fact, we can rarely live an optimum life without having valuable relationships with others. For me, careful consideration of the relationships we keep shows we ain’t taking effective communication seriously as we ought to.
In our pursuit of fulfilling this natural cause- nurturing relationships, we are faced with different forms of difficulties. Often times, these problems are directly linked to the gap in communication. We seem to always forget that we all are different individuals, no matter the similarities we share. Hence, when these differences play out in our relationships. Instead of seeking clarification, we assume. As you can guess, this leads to a greater problem.
What is it about Assumption?
At this point, you may ask what the fuss is, about communication, assumptions, and asking questions in relationships. More than we often think, the assumption is more than just forming opinions in our heads. Or reaching unfounded conclusions in our heads about different situations.
I guess you must have been in a situation where you expected a particular form of reaction, response, or action in a relationship and got an entirely opposite. Maybe, you were expected to receive an important call and it didn’t come through. Usually, your next reaction might come in different forms not dissimilar to this, “yeah, I didn’t get that call because he didn’t consider I am worth getting feedback.”
In a twinkle of an eye, you have formed different reasons and countered those reasons with other reasons! With no single form of fact-checking. In fact, in a bid to convince yourself of being right, you would not put a call through. You would rather pace around and continue with different assumptions in your head or maybe “lock up.”
Here is the thing
Now, this is the secret about assumptions in relationships. It is possible that the call didn’t come through for a genuine reason. You wouldn’t even believe because you have a lot of reasons why it cannot be genuine. You know why? Those assumptions are simply reflections of you! You wouldn’t do that if you were in his shoes, why then should he?
This simple yet complicated cause of the gap in communication in relationships has found its way to thrive in our relationships. This is because we find it hard to accept the fact that our own realities are what plays out when we assume. What you consider appropriate (except for few universal truths) might not be appropriate to others. Unfortunately, assumptions that are not clarified are capable of building resentment and people growing apart in relationships.
What then should you do?
To nurture and maintain your relationships, you must be willing to make conscious efforts. If you cherish your relationships so much, you must be ready to put in the work and enjoy doing so.
Realizing that each individual is unique is the first effort in putting an end to assumptions in relationships. We are all open to a different environment, people, education, religious beliefs, and philosophies. All of these and more form who we are. Don’t assume from your own lens without putting all of these factors which makes the other party into consideration. It will only hurt your relationship more than it will build it.
Most importantly, ask questions. Ask and keep asking until you are clear. I believe it is better to ask as much as you can till you get cleared instead of locking up or employing silent treatment as we call it ( this is the new woke, yeah!) If you cherish those relationships enough, locking up is another form of assumption which can be interpreted as “I can’t kill myself, I will rather bone.” When you lock up, the assumption remains and resentment continues to build.
However, it is excusable to “lock-up” if the aim is to prevent further crisis. This seems to be the only permissible reason why you should hold your peace for a while. The essence is to ensure you strategize properly to clarify your assumptions at a later time. There’s is nothing beautiful about assumptions in a cherished relationship. To clear the air always, ask questions, and ask in the right ways and time.
As I conclude, can you recall any point in any of your relationships where you assumed? If you were lucky you would at a later time realize your assumption was wrong. In a more unfortunate situation, your assumptions ruined that relationship, and things never remained the same. This is how detrimental assuming instead of simply asking can be in a relationship. I believe you want to avoid that henceforth by all means in your relationships. Would you like to share that one time you recalled? I will be in the comment section to learn also.